I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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