i don't like sucking hair
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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