I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
