Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
