It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Randomize
