My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
