So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
