i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
