In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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