Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
