is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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