I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Are my feet made of real feet?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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