Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
