Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
