He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
