Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
