For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
