Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
