I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We got so high we made milksteak
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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