Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
