Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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