i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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