I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
