fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
