i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
