i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
