Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
