there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
