It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
third nipple confirmed
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
