i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
