my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
