Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My balls are so social today.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So I just went to clothing optional bar
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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