I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
