You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Randomize
