dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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