everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
