Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
