your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
foreskin is a definite game changer
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
how does that bad decision feel?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
