she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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