I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
