video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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