i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
