I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
