best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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