I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
