u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
