How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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