my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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