Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
