This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
