Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
