Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
