I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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